The Love of the Savior

The Love of the Savior is sometimes a very complex thing. We feel it more than we often can recognize and then other times it so prominent its hard to ignore. But its this love that seems to get us through more things in our lives than we care to admit. Its this love that helps us believe in ourselves and know who we are and where we came from and where we are going. We must remember because of this love we are able to repent, to struggle, and to grow. Even in times when we don't want to. My brother Kris was diagnosed with cancer this week, and all though the way I seem to have found to deal with it is to not deal with it at all. It doesn't seem to be going away. I don't want to make my feelings public or to announce to the world my drama, but I want to get down everything that I feel. Feel is a funny word to be honest cause I feel nothing at all numb. If I allow myself I want to cry, so I don't allow myself. His cancer is stage one in his spine and skull. Its called Chondrosarcoma its a bone cancer, but Kris's has attached itself to the nerves in his brain. I feel comforted that I know everything will be alright, but what the Lord considers to be alright and what I consider to be alright may be two different things and that is what troubles me. I know my savior loves me, he loves my brother, and my family. That is why he allows us to grow no matter how hard it may be.

This love allows us to grow and become the people the Lord hopes us to be. Two weeks ago I was worried about taking my husband back into heart surgery. I knew we escaped last time with flying colors and I was afraid we would not make it out so easily this time. The day after Kris was takin to the U of U I received a phone call from Jon's heart Dr telling me they had decided to cancel Jon's heart surgery. At first I was very reluctant to agree cause I saw the results of two tests showing that the device in his heart was indeed leaking. His Dr reassured me that the tests were read wrong by his assistants. He said the type of device Jon has in his heart has a 2% chance of failing rate. So he had this feeling he needed to go check the tests again. Sure enough they were wrong. Jon has a small valve right next to his device where the bubbles were coming from not his device. He said although the valve is abnormal it will not cause Jon any health risk. I knew at that moment that Heavenly Father had granted us a small miracle.
I know Heavenly Father grants miracles everyday in our lives, we just have to take the time to look. Sometimes they may not be the way that we expect those miracles to be granted, but they are still there. God is above medicine or reality or facts. He creates all things and can conquer all things. There is nothing that God can not conquer or create. I know the gift of the priesthood is a small part of those miracles in today's world. Life is hard. I have seen that more in the last two years than my whole life, but I know with the Savior in my back pocket I can accomplish anything and there isn't a better co-pilot. My Dr told me the day before Jon had his stroke I needed to realize just how strong I really am. Not knowing the very next day I would end up with my husband in intensive care. I was honored she would say that cause she isn't the type to hand out compliments like candy, but she gave me one that day. Those words still stick with me a year and half later. It got me through everything with Jon and those words still ring in my ears today. D&C 63:47 He that is faithful and endureth shall conquer the world.
I know it is possible and that is what I'm going to try and succeed to my last breath.